YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We need to get me chipped asap
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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