Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
