Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
