Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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