return my video game
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
