Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
