broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
