Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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