you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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