We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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