i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
