Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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