i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
