Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
