I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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