Can i not drive my cunt home
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
