Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
