I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
