He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
