That's intense
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
