You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
