Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
