I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
