White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
