I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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