My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
