Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
