im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
