I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
