Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
