from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Less talking, more tequila
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
