I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
