i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
