drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
