If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
