Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
