my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
