I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sext me about skeletons
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
