just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
