Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
