he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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