don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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