Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
