I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
