She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
