I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
