every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Damn victory sex feels great
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
