so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
