Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
