If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
