can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
