i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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