Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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