you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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