Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize