Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
