I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
