i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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