I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
