So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize