I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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