it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
