I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
