I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
