and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I understand Curling. That high.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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