"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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